Our story started as we
transitioned from a close friendship to deciding to pursue a serious
relationship with each other. Before we jumped into dating we both considered
some huge deciding factors first. I asked myself questions about who Josh was
and if I should be dating him. Here is a verse and a tool we used to help us
decide.
“Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what
fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ
and belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (2
Corinthians 6:14-15)”
This verse is a warning to those
who are single to be warry of who they are “yoking” themselves to. As a
Christian it is important to keep your house as a safe haven from the trials of
the world. We go out every day and get bombed with so many people we should be
reaching out to, and so many people berating us for our faith. It is a
stressful time for Christians as our beliefs are put under scrutiny regularly.
I personally cannot imagine how I would be feeling if I had to also endure that
scrutiny in my own home. Husbands and wives are meant to build each other up in
their faith, to be a help and an encouragement.
Josh and I were equally yoked in
that we were both Christians firm in our faith. Where we are at in our walk
with God has always differed and will continue to as we go through different
trials and triumphs in our lives. When I met Josh, I firmly believed that
Christ was the one true God and that we are all sinners. I had the basics of
the Bible down, but I lacked any further theological understanding. I had never
applied myself to study the Bible or even read it the whole way through. Josh,
however, came from a family who spent a significant amount of time studying the
Bible and discussing theology. He could talk circles around me about God. I was
in the process of reconciling some hurts that I had with Christ and learning
how to move on and forgive others. Over the first few years of our marriage I
grew to control my anger and let go of hurts, letting down my walls. Josh
started our relationship pretending to have a perfect walk with God but hiding
a deep rooted addiction that clouded his actions and his faith. Six years into
our marriage and we are both still strong believers in faith and huge
supporters of each other’s walks of faith.
I say this all to reassure you that you do not have to, nor will you be
able to, find another Christian who has a perfect walk with God. If they say
they do then they are not being honest with themselves. We all have sins we
could be working on. The important thing is to always date other believers.
Start your relationship with at least that in common and you already have what
it takes to succeed.
Josh came into our friendship with
a list of things he wanted from his future wife. This list was something he had
been working on and editing for years before meeting me. The import thing to
note here is that he made the list before meeting me instead of meeting
me and then making a list of my attributes that he liked. I did not meet every
point on his list, just most of them. The list was more of an exercise to make
him consider what he found to be most important in a wife. He was prepared to
evaluate me by setting aside his emotions and just looking at the points on his
list. He considered how many points I did meet and compromised where he felt he
could. Meeting someone and falling in love is an amazingly powerful emotional experience.
It takes a wise discerning heart to slow down and consider logic as well as the
good feelings. Have others hold you accountable to your list, share it with a
friend or family, they can help you stay honest with yourself about why you
actually like this person you have met.
I hope this gave you singles/
unmarried something to think about as you consider preparing for meeting your
spouse. At the end of the day you should be patient, don’t awaken love before
it’s time. God has a plan and His own perfect timing for everything. Trust Him
to provide for you what you need exactly when you need it.
Questions/comments: tasha.bell@ponderinghearts.com
God bless,
Tash
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