That Married Life (Part One: Choosing your Spouse)

This week Josh and I wanted to kick off a series on marriage. We will be focusing on our experiences through dating, engagement, and the first few years. Our hope, as always, is that by sharing what we have learned though experience others may learn just by reading our story.

Our story started as we transitioned from a close friendship to deciding to pursue a serious relationship with each other. Before we jumped into dating we both considered some huge deciding factors first. I asked myself questions about who Josh was and if I should be dating him. Here is a verse and a tool we used to help us decide.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)”

This verse is a warning to those who are single to be warry of who they are “yoking” themselves to. As a Christian it is important to keep your house as a safe haven from the trials of the world. We go out every day and get bombed with so many people we should be reaching out to, and so many people berating us for our faith. It is a stressful time for Christians as our beliefs are put under scrutiny regularly. I personally cannot imagine how I would be feeling if I had to also endure that scrutiny in my own home. Husbands and wives are meant to build each other up in their faith, to be a help and an encouragement.

Josh and I were equally yoked in that we were both Christians firm in our faith. Where we are at in our walk with God has always differed and will continue to as we go through different trials and triumphs in our lives. When I met Josh, I firmly believed that Christ was the one true God and that we are all sinners. I had the basics of the Bible down, but I lacked any further theological understanding. I had never applied myself to study the Bible or even read it the whole way through. Josh, however, came from a family who spent a significant amount of time studying the Bible and discussing theology. He could talk circles around me about God. I was in the process of reconciling some hurts that I had with Christ and learning how to move on and forgive others. Over the first few years of our marriage I grew to control my anger and let go of hurts, letting down my walls. Josh started our relationship pretending to have a perfect walk with God but hiding a deep rooted addiction that clouded his actions and his faith. Six years into our marriage and we are both still strong believers in faith and huge supporters of each other’s walks of faith.  I say this all to reassure you that you do not have to, nor will you be able to, find another Christian who has a perfect walk with God. If they say they do then they are not being honest with themselves. We all have sins we could be working on. The important thing is to always date other believers. Start your relationship with at least that in common and you already have what it takes to succeed.

Josh came into our friendship with a list of things he wanted from his future wife. This list was something he had been working on and editing for years before meeting me. The import thing to note here is that he made the list before meeting me instead of meeting me and then making a list of my attributes that he liked. I did not meet every point on his list, just most of them. The list was more of an exercise to make him consider what he found to be most important in a wife. He was prepared to evaluate me by setting aside his emotions and just looking at the points on his list. He considered how many points I did meet and compromised where he felt he could. Meeting someone and falling in love is an amazingly powerful emotional experience. It takes a wise discerning heart to slow down and consider logic as well as the good feelings. Have others hold you accountable to your list, share it with a friend or family, they can help you stay honest with yourself about why you actually like this person you have met.

I hope this gave you singles/ unmarried something to think about as you consider preparing for meeting your spouse. At the end of the day you should be patient, don’t awaken love before it’s time. God has a plan and His own perfect timing for everything. Trust Him to provide for you what you need exactly when you need it.


God bless,