Since I was in high school I knew I had a calling to write. Now at the time I wouldn’t have labeled it as a calling, more of a skill. I never had to write rough drafts or even edit my essays at school and I can honestly say I got an A on just about every paper I have submitted, both in high school and college. Entering college I found a drive to study psychology and human development. I wanted to be a counselor or a social worker, anything to be in a position to offer my advice and help people in need. After meeting Josh and getting married we found that we loved to just sit and talk about relationships together. Like a sitting down to put together a puzzle we would work through feelings and situations. We loved it! Over the years we have repeatedly been put into situations to advise people in regards to relationships or personal struggles. Somehow after all of this, and even thinking we should pursue this field of ministry, we managed to ignore the call on our lives.
What if no one really wants to hear what I have to say? What if I don’t have enough experience to know what I am talking about? What if I am not qualified? What if people don’t like what I have to say? Who out there is going to be judging me? What if we lose friends by expressing our true thoughts? Can I do this without being recognized for it?
The list of questions and doubts goes on and on…
I recently read a passage of the bible where Jesus was giving out the great commission to His disciples (Matthew 10:12-42). He addresses the fears of the disciples and what they will be up against. He acknowledges that by speaking truth they may turn even their own families against them. Still He calls them to bring His whispered words to the world, to share what they have been told. He goes through a series of comforting words but then ends with a warning for us all, “Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” I have decided that I will work to be worthy of the Lord. I am taking up my cross. I am still fearful but what I fear the most is disappointing my God and getting to heaven and being told “I never knew you... (Matthew 7:21-23).”
So here I am blogging. This is a huge leap of faith for me. Not a lot of people know this but I have huge social anxiety. I memorize everything said and how people react. I count minutes and try to manage how long I have been talking to make sure I balance that out with an equal number of questions to make sure everyone feels that they are heard and I am not talking over anyone else. I get sweaty, like someone experiencing stage fright, when meeting new people. Then, even after all that careful prep and management, I go home and break down to my husband about how horrible I did. I go on about how I must have offended someone, they probably don’t even like me, I talked for too long...etc. This even happens when I talk to my family. Yet God has called me to stand here on my platform and “talk” at you all. Without getting to see your reactions or let you have time to talk; without pulling back my words to make sure I don’t offend anyone, I will write.
What are you shying away from? What has God called you to do? Take a simple first step in the right direction. I am blogging because I don’t feel I have time to write a book or become a public speaker, but I feel that is the end goal. By taking this little step in faith I am partnering with God. Offering Him my mustard seed of faith because it is all I have (Matthew 17:20) and asking Him to help me to grow into who He needs me to be. Pick up your own cross and take just one step forward, I know you can! God gives us only what we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13).
I do truly hope that this works for the good of those who are reading. Our goal is that this blog helps those in need. Gives advice and hard truths in order that you can find the peace and love of Christ. We will do our best to provide honesty about our own struggles so that you can learn from our mistakes; as well as telling about behaviors and habits we use that you may be able to apply to your own life.
Some entries, like this one, will be from just me. Others will be from just Josh. Though we hope that we can find the time as a couple to write together as well. We do hope you will continue down this journey with us.